And don’t forget the joker
Today is the 8th of May.
It is an important day for various reasons. Perhaps most prominently, it is the Victory in Europe Day – today, seventy years ago, World War II had ended in Europe with the unconditional surrender of the Third Reich to the Allied Forces. Seventy years ago, millions of people all over the world came together to celebrate the victory over the Nazis, a victory that had been bought with untold amounts of bloodshed.
That is, however, not what I want to talk about here. This is a very personal post, and one that I had deliberated to make since a while, but never saw the right opportunity to do – until today. Because today is also a day to make
visible a sexual minority that most people don’t even realize exists. A minority whose existence is denied or ridiculed by even folks who should really know better.
Today is Asexual Visibility Day.
And today, I proudly raise the Ace of Spades, because I no longer want to hide who I am.
I’m asexual, I’m aromantic, and I like to consider myself queer as fuck.
This is something I’ve only come to realize over the past few years, and I was first exposed to the concept of asexuality during this time. But as soon as I had learned about it, everything suddenly made sense. Why I never felt the emotional need for a romantic partner (whatever gender they might be), despite society telling me otherwise. Why I’ve never been honestly interested in pursuing sexual relationships, much to the ridicule of many a peer over the years. Make no mistake, I had my fair share of puberty induced insecurity, horniness, and confusion. But nothing that really remained.
For a long time after puberty, I did what probably many young nerds did: write it off to my own shyness and social ineptitude, and hoping that I might one day meet the person with whom I would just click. That person has yet to appear. I’m 24 now, and I’ve stopped believing in this myth (which is perpetuated so much in our culture), and by today, have come to accept myself as I am. Several persons I have met, both online and offline, over the past few years, have immensely helped with that, whether they know it or not.
I have also been on the fence for a while before I started thinking of myself as asexual. After all, I do consume copious amounts of porn. For a while, I tended towards calling myself an autosexual. But that’s not really it. I don’t “love” myself, in the sexual sense. I do like myself as I am for the most part (and I realize that this is a huge privilege to be able to do!), but I don’t feel sexual attraction when I look in the mirror, for example. For me, this is the crucial difference, but in the end, those are my personal feelings – others might think differently, and that is okay.
To some of my friends, this might not come as a big surprise. Maybe it was already an open secret to you. If it was, here’s the confirmation. If it wasn’t, I’m filled with some confidence that this won’t change the way you think of me. After all, you already know me as a wacky person who makes a hobby out of defying expectations – for better or for worse.
To all of you other aces who are reading this: it’s not a defect to not want or need sex. You’re not broken for not feeling romantic attraction to others. It’s okay to be who you are. You are not alone.
Thank you all – I love you.
Well, platonically, of course.
P.S.: Yes, the title is a quote from Motörhead’s Ace of Spades.